It’s been 7 years since my previous post. A lot has happened in between… I was having drinks with a published author who motivated me to get back to writing. Here we go…

I spent the last week in Bosnia and Herzegovina. Most of you will find it difficult to place on a map – it’s somewhere in Europe and used to be part of Yugoslavia.

Why or how did I end up there, you ask? Well… I was invited to a wedding and the bride was born there and wanted her big day to be in Bosnia. I was also tasked with being the best man.

I’ll be honest. I had a few concerns about going to Bosnia. It’s never been on my horizon in terms of holiday destinations. I prefer countries like Australia, Spain or Italy for holidays etc but Bosnia seemed like a place to avoid. The UK FCDO advises that “Landmines and other unexploded weapons remain from the 1992 to 1995 war. While highly populated areas and major routes are largely clear, there is still a risk in less populated and rural areas. Do not step off roads and paved areas without an experienced guide.” My itinerary (carefully put together by the bride) included hiking… so I was a bit hesitant.

The wedding took place in a small town called Ključ which is about 200 km west of the capital Sarajevo. Public transport seemed to be largely non-existent, so the only realistic option to get there was by car. I was not too keen on this as I’ve only driven on about 3-5 days in the last decade since moving to London.

So I rented a car and was thinking that I’ll figure this driving thing out on my own. It was a very early flight from Stansted airport and I had been up since 3 AM UK time. I was sleep deprived, tired and worried from the moment I landed. Turns out I also had to drive three passengers (including the groom) to Ključ. No pressure. Great to have an audience when I inevitably use the wipers instead of the indicator or similar.

Luckily, it all came back to me very quickly – I guess driving is a lot like riding a bicycle. The trip went without any hick-ups and everybody made it safely to their accommodation. I discovered that Bosnia is very hilly and my car isn’t very good going uphill.

The first day ended with me getting stopped by a local policeman, who didn’t speak much English. His instructions weren’t very clear and I think I wasn’t too far from getting arrested. I thought he was saying “drive with sense” as in sensibly when he said the road ahead of me is closed and pointed me in the direction I need to go in. I was happily waving goodbye and saying thanks but he kept repeating “drive with sense” ever more aggressively. Then I realised he meant “driving licence!”, which I presented to him with all the other documents I had – I was not in the mood for Bosnian jail. He checked all my documents and then “inspected” the car with his flashlight and was writing down something… I was thinking I was about to get a fine for something. Luckily, he said I am free to go and handed me my documents back. Nothing happened but he ruined my evening.

The second day was the wedding day. I had a few tasks, in the below order, to complete as part of my role as best man:

1. At the bride’s parents’ house, I had to “bargain” for the bride and essentially buy her from one of her family members – it was a 3 or 4 year old cousin or something – and he would then “release” her to me to then present to the groom/new family. In plain terms I had to hand an envelope with cash to a small kid. As per tradition, sometimes the kid would ask for more money if he felt I didn’t give enough, so I had to have some spare cash in my pocket just in case.
2. I had to make it rain. I didn’t quite understand why but my mission was to secure a bag with lots and lots of coins. I collected all the loose change from the guests a few hours before the wedding and then had to “shower” the bride in coins and toss these over her, on her head and shoulders etc. Then little children would run to pick up all the coins.
3. Spinny-spinny the bride. I had to spin her a couple times. Unclear why but my spinning was on point.
4. Escort the bride and groom to the cars and drive the groom to the wedding venue. Somebody else drove the bride, I don’t know why, things were confusing.

The venue was beautiful. The wedding ceremony took place and I had to add my witness signature to some document. I wish the married couple lots of joy and happiness! The rest of the evening was all about having food, drinks and lots of dancing.

The following day we had a BBQ at the bride’s parents’ cabin in the woods. The place had no address and we got there by forming a 14 car long convoy and drove behind one of the locals. All the cars got covered in dust because of the longish gravel road journey. Some of us, including me, were later told off for taking the car “off-road” when returning our rentals.

A day later we went rafting. The first drop was probably around 20 meters down a waterfall. It was too dangerous for us to do it and we all had to disembark and walk along the river a bit downstream. The boats were pushed one-by-one (with nobody inside them) down the waterfall. Then, our guides/instructors themselves jumped down as well. No way would this be allowed in Western countries. It was a case of Bosnia being Bosnia. We then got back into our boats and rafted away. Unfortunately, the rest of the rafting was nowhere near as exciting as the beginning.

Day 5 was the day we left Ključ and drove to Sarajevo. I stopped by to see the world’s largest pyramid. Apparently, it’s twice the size of the Giza pyramid in Egypt and it’s even more accurately aligned to the stars than all the other pyramids on the planet. It even emits a “healing” 28 degree frequency and had extremely strong concrete blocks which are 8 times harder than modern concrete as per measurements by various independent labs in a bunch of countries. I even climbed up the bloody thing – it was covered by a forest and it took me forever. Did I mention it was 33 degrees Celsius? I was tired and covered in sweat as I powered up the little forest trails. About half-way I remembered what country I was in with its tens of thousands of unexploded landmines still lurking below the surface. Anyway, I got to the top of the pyramid and it was so not worth it – it had a well-like structure which was very disappointing. The entire thing is a big hoax and Wikipedia explains why here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bosnian_pyramid_claims

The plan was to go hiking on day 6 but I decided to cancel on it. The hike up the pyramid left me feeling quite unpleasant due to the heat. I thought that I would not enjoy a full day of being outside in the hot sun. Boy, I do not regret this decision one bit. The hike was super long – started around 11 AM I think and people got back to their cars around 10 PM and then had to drive for about an hour to get back to Sarajevo etc. Instead I was sipping cocktails in an air-conditioned bar and was just having a “me day”. It was great!

The original plan was to visit another city – Mostar – in the south of Bosnia on day 7. However, I decided to cancel on that as well because it was 40 degrees Celsius down there. No, thank you! Mid-July is not the time to visit Bosnia. I stayed in Sarajevo and visited a very grim place – the Museum Of Crimes Against Humanity And Genocide – it wasn’t fun but I felt that I needed to be “cultural”. To cheer myself up I decided to have a bit of a “luxury” day – got myself a massage (which was a bit rough), went bar/restaurant hopping and just walked around the old town. I finished the day watching the sunset and grabbing some drinks with a published author from the wedding. It was lovely.

On the last day in Bosnia, I had to refuel the car before driving a few people to the airport and drop-off the rental car. Unfortunately, I got lost after visiting the petrol station and ended up in some hills. Lots of the residential areas in Sarajevo are on hills with very narrow roads. I was just following the Google Maps instructions but these proved to be unreliable. For example my phone instructed me to drive down a skinny street downhill and then turn left at the end. However, in reality there was a street sign indicating a dead-end at the end. So, I walked down the street and discovered that the street turns into stairs at its end. Great, I can’t drive downstairs. Then I had to maneuver backwards on skinny streets and find a way out of the hills. I managed to also scratch the car when turning around in a tight spot. I was desperate and had to resort to asking for help from a local, who explained how to get out of this area. His answer was to reverse all the way back to the beginning of the long street I was on – he said I won’t be able to turn the car around. It took me a good 5-10 minutes to do just that, by the end of it I was a pro at reversing.

I picked up my passengers and drove to the airport. At the car drop-off point, I was given a bit of a bollocking for driving “off-road” as the car was dirty and then found out about the scratch on the car. This ended up costing me £224.03, which I may or may not get back via the insurance I bought at the time of renting the car – I’ll find out in about 5 working days. In any case, it’s not going to bankrupt me.

Everything was super slow at the airport – long queues to pass security and the border check. The locals or other visitors/tourists were quite unruly – cutting in line and arguing with staff a lot. I was appalled by the lack of manners and civility. Ryanair also asked me to “measure” my bag to see if it was within the relevant carry-on size dimensions. Luckily it fit and I avoided an extra £60 expense. It was just one poor experience after the other.

Anyway, I was glad to leave Bosnia behind and it’s been good to be back home in London. I also missed my dog. 🙂