Back to normal

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I’ve been studying. A lot. I recently had my advanced diploma exam in pensions planning (AF3). I’ve got a feeling I might actually get a pass… but then again, you can never be too sure. I’ll find out in 2 months. Now I’m slowly getting back into my old routine.

my-daily-routine

I started running again and did a half marathon today (1:41:50, slow but I was out of the game for a while). I only planned on running 16km but I underestimated today’s new route. I was too lazy to measure my route in the morning, so I just guesstimated it. That’s how I roll! It was actually about 22.5 km but I walked the last 1.4 km because I didn’t want to get too fit and make all the other runners in the park look bad.
They also had the London marathon today. About 35,000 people I think it was. I hope I get to be one of them next year. I’ll register for the public ballot (the registration opens 4th May and will probably only last a few hours until all slots are signed up for, just like was the case last year), but even then it’s a 1/3 chance of actually getting entry into the race. It’s a very popular race you see. Congratulations to all the runners today! No matter what time you finished in or if you didn’t cross the finish line. I am jealous of you all.
I also started dancing again. Oh boy how I missed it. The last two Latin nights were very entertaining – dancing with Germany was awesome! I also noticed a few people from the lower levels moved up a level or two and now I’ve got several more friendly faces in my class as well. Well done kids! 😛
Work used to be very busy due to the end of the tax year (it ends 5th April) but now it’s alright again. Did I mention that our company was supposed to merge with another one? Maybe I did, but that doesn’t matter because the merger was cancelled. The office is still moving but instead of the town centre we’re moving to the building next door, therefore making my strategic houseshare move closer to the town centre look utterly stupid. If something good pops up I’ll move closer to work, I think. I never stay in one place for too long…
I made history at work. I’ve stayed at the same company for more than a year. My previous record was exactly 1 year. Now it’s a solid 14 months. My promotion to a paraplanner position had lots to do with this. I plan that some time this year I can start advising clients (but I need my diploma first).
The UK has elections this year as well. 7th May is election day and it turns out I can vote as well even though I’m not a UK citizen. So I voted for the Green Party. Sustainability and green energy etc are things I value and the world needs a bit more of that.
Oh… did I mention my passport expired. 😀 I’m stuck in England. This isn’t a bad thing, it forces me to travel and explore the UK. I’ve been here for more than a year and all I know is Chelmsford and London. I haven’t done anything touristy. So this morning (as I procrastinated my studies) I made myself a list of places to visit. It’s still a work in progress and in all honesty it’s a boring list when I compare it to my Australian roadtrips. Hey, maybe if I give it a chance, the UK might prove me wrong. If you’re reading this and want to go roadtrippin’ on this island some time this summer, get in touch. I’m also open to suggestions. Let me know of your highlights if you’ve travelled here.

Ivar

A rosy story

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I was sitting in the corner all alone and not playing with the other kids. Well, not so much playing but dancing but you know what I mean. “Different, but same-same” – as they say in Malaysia.
I was a true outsider or should I say outlier? Suddenly I had an idea to give something new a shot. Here goes nothing…
I’m going to introduce you to a woman in my life. She’s not much older than me but far wiser than she thinks. She tends to lack a filter and is a master at tearing a new one to anyone who insults her. Beware! Don’t poke the bear. She bites.
If I was interrogated by a policeman and asked if I knew someone who was capable of the nastiest and vilest actions against humanity – she’d fit the bill perfectly. She’s perfect like that.
It always seems like someone or something died in the room if she’s not around. She’s the sun that brightens up each and every crevice of a long forsaken Egyptian tomb. We all secretly miss her when she’s sick or far away on holidays.

Kung-Fu-panda
She’s quick with her decisions. Kinda like a panda. A kung-fu panda! She can do cartwheels which will bring tears into your eyes.
Her spontaneity is both a virtue and a curse. It depends on who you ask. You always need to take everything she says or commits to with a grain of salt. We love her anyway.
Sometimes she passes me in her car on my way to work. She usually offers me a lift but I almost always give her the finger. “Up yours, I’m not rushing to work” I say. She knows that but after 10 months and countless hand gestures all meaning “go away”, she persists. A lot like a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before (~Jacob Riis). Eventually she’ll lure me into the deathtrap which her car certainly is. May the Almighty be with me when that day arrives.
One of her greatest gifts is making teas and coffees. It doesn’t happen often but when it does my neighbors neighbor will know about it. Oh boy is that an occasion.

There you go. Xoxo
Ivar the Salacious

New year, new home

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I had an exam yesterday (R06) and think that it went really well. I’m sure I passed but will find out the results Feb 27th. This was the last exam needed for the diploma in financial planning. So… all I need to do is wait for the diploma to pop in in the post and make it official. Hopefully it’ll make me much more employable and open a few more doors.

The studying and exams don’t end here. I’m going to continue towards chartered status and will do a bunch more this year. I’m glad all the foundation work is done and everything else is a good extra to have.

After smashing my exam I had to pack up all my stuff and move out to my new home. I could’ve moved out earlier but I didn’t want to spend valuable study time on that.

I was surprised how much crap I’ve accumulated in the last 10 months. I remember all I had was one bag of stuff when I first came to England. I think it weighed 8 kg. Now I’ve at least tripled that…Long story short all my stuff is in my new home now.

I am living in a two bedroom flat with Sue. Sue is in her early 50s. Her daughter moved out and she needed someone to help cover the rent and bills. She looked for people for ages but nobody was good enough. Finally, as she said, I rode in like a knight in shining armor to save the day. 😀

On the plus side my room is bigger – it’s got a double bed. By the way this is the first time ever I’ve had the luxury of having a double bed in my room. It’s so big, it’s a monstrosity of a bed and I’m so small. I still have a few issues to deal with. I don’t quite know how I’m going to cope with all this extra room on the bed.

One thing is different though. It’s a bit colder here. I was freezing my ass off during the night and the hot water ran out fairly quickly in the shower. In all fairness it’s -4C outside (the coldest it’s been in the UK since I immigrated on my row boat with Bubba and Malloy… I sometimes still have nightmares and see the massive waves and how they grabbed Bubba… rest his soul in peace).

Now I live twice as far from work compared to what it used to be. A 25 minute stroll (2km) became a solid 50 minutes (4km). I’m probably going to bus it every now and then… until I buy a bike. The bike idea isn’t great anyway because I have nowhere to store it. Luckily our office will move closer to the town center in a few months’ time and I live in that neighborhood. Even if I had to bike or bus it, it would be temporary.

It’s already the 20th January and I’ve only run twice this year. Training isn’t going that well. I’ve never had issues with my shin splints for so long. Normally they’d disappear after taking a few days off. I’m not too worried though. To a big extent I’m glad I can’t run – it’s freezing outside. I feel bad about it, especially when I skip a run on a beautiful sunny day – it’s such a waste.

The best is yet to come

I’m enjoying my Latin dancing classes. I leveled up into the highest level group in zouk and if I get my salsa instructor’s blessing will do the same with her classes.

Remember, I wrote a post about hugs and kisses almost a year ago? How things have changed… I met this French girl – let’s call her Amelie – and last week I did something I’ve never done before. It was a normal zouk social but strangely I danced with Amelie a bit more than usual. Normally I’d max out at 2 dances with the same girl during a social but that time it was 4 or 5. She just seemed to be available every time I finished dancing with somebody else. Anywho she’s fun and I like her and before leaving I kissed her on the cheek… you know like the French do. I know it’s not a big deal but I remember it was a very spontaneous thing – I just said “see ya” and went for the cheek. I’ve never initiated a kiss on the cheek as I’ve always been uncomfortable with the concept. How I’ve grown…

OK boys and girls, I need to go to work now,

Ivar the soon to be level 4 financial planner

I found the one

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In mid-December I decided to take my own advice and move out of my current sharehouse. I gave my 30 day notice and started looking for a new home.

I think I looked at 8 properties until I made my decision.  Actually I said yes to 3 people but I was late with my decision for one of them. Another landlord was very uncommunicative – so I decided to skip that one and as it looks right now all lights are green for my move to the third place I said yes to.

home change for a goldfish to a better place

It’s amazing how quickly rooms are snatched up in Chelmsford. For example I had to cancel two of my viewings because somebody else took the room before I even had the chance of seeing it.

Anywho, I checked out this two bedroom flat yesterday and was very happy with it. It was beautiful, very clean and in a perfect location – next to a park and much more central than my current place. I will be sharing the place with just one more person, which is fantastic. I don’t like to live in a crowded place. Plus I need my quiet to study for my financial adviser/planner exams.

My next and final exam to get my diploma will be on the 19th January – in 10 days. My study marathon will start shortly. I’m glad I found a new home as the last couple of weeks have been rather stressful. Now I don’t have to worry about moving house anymore and can focus on my exam.

Oh…. I was promoted to assistant paraplanner at work. Now I’m doing “research” and writing suitability reports for clients. It’s basically a step closer/transitionary phase to becoming an adviser. The job description is still a bit fuzzy and I don’t quite know what I’ll end up doing. Only time will tell.

Looks like this year started reasonably well. I found a new home, got a promotion at work and will probably get my diploma soon as well. Everything seems to be going well.

Ivar

The perfect storm

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Hi kids,

Today was the day I’ve been training for for about 6 months. I woke up, got my shit together and walked to the park where I knew the first thing I’d do is join the pissline. I din’t really need to go but figured just in case. The park was crowded with about 2000 runners and their family/friends/supporters.

I was jealous of everyone because I had nobody supporting me. I was all alone :(. The queue  moved along at a snail’s pace. I enjoyed trotting in the wet grass and mud – ladies and gentlemen this is what England is all about. I forced a tiny amount of liquid out of my bladder and felt hugely accomplished – it was totally worth the 25 minute wait in the pissline. Hands down this was the best part of race day.

I moved along to the bag drop are, got rid of my shit and went for a 15 minute warm-up run. I felt optimistic and full of energy. My last two Sunday runs were epic – I ran a personal best in a 5K, 10K, 16K/10Miles, half marathon and 32K/20Miles distances. I was very confident I’d run a personal best in this marathon as well. I was aiming for a sub 3H 10 min.

I positioned myself behind the sub 4H sign. This was my first mistake – after my start I had to pass many runners because I wanted to stay at a 4:22 min/km pace – it was a nightmare and the first 2 kilometers were rubbish. In my experience the first 3 km are crucial to running a PB – if they’re slow, it’s very hard to make up for them later on in the race. I was already going slower than I planned. Then shortly I discovered that the pavement stopped and we started to run on wet grass. It was soft and muddy and gross – and incredibly hard to run on. The marathon was a multi-terrain race – pavement, grass and gravel. I wrongly thought that it would still be mostly on paved roads – but it was about 50% pavement and 50% grass or gravel. I hadn’t done my homework.

At about the 5Mile/8K mark I noticed that my legs were hurting. 5 FUCKING MILES. What? I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never been in pain after such a short distance. I hardly ever run distances that short – and there I was with pain in both calves which was moving up towards my quads. I think it was the grass which caused it – it felt like running on wet sand. Where was a lot of give on the surface and that must have put my leg muscles under strain/stress which they hadn’t been exposed to during my 100% pavement training runs.

The pain didn’t go anywhere. It was gradually getting worse and I was slowing down more and more. After about 16K/10Miles I wanted to quit. It was clear that this race wasn’t for me. All I wanted to do was to stop the pain, stop, walk home and cry like a little bitch. But I kept going, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the endorphins will kick in and the pain will go away. That never happened. FML. 🙂

It was a surreal experience. The last 10K or so my heart rate averaged 150 bpm (FYI that’s very easy running and certainly not race pace) and I just couldn’t go faster. The fitness was where but the pain much too great. I told myself that I wouldn’t walk, I’d keep shuffling all the way if I had to. I think I got quite good at doing the shuffle.

This was the hardest race I’ve ever done. After crossing the finish line at 3:49:07 I got a medal around my neck and a goodie bag. I slowly walked towards a tree and laid down on the moist grass and formed a massive star with my arms and legs. I was exhausted and glad that the ordeal was over. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was so disappointed, angry and sad. I was so pissed I even ate the 3 non-vegan chocolate/protein bars I found in the goodie bag. Looks like I wanted to spread my misery and support the torture and murdering of other sentient beings. I feel bad about it now but at that moment I didn’t care. Yeah… I’m quite disgusted by what I did.

 

So where you have it – today was this year’s crappiest day.  The perfect storm has come to an end and after taking a warm bath at home I’m optimistic that sunny days will follow.

Congratulations to my fellow runners – all 2000 of you. I’d also like to thank for the support from the volunteers and community. This was my 4th official race and the support from the people was the greatest today – England 1 Australia 0.

Ivar the Shuffler

Bros before hoes

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BrosBeforeHoes

A week ago I asked my female colleagues for a calculator. I needed one for my personal taxation (CII R03) exam which was on the following day. Normally I’d use my phone’s calculator but mobiles weren’t allowed during the exam. I asked one of the girls and she said no because she “was using it at the moment”. The second girl gave me the same answer. It felt a lot like as if I asked them for a kidney.

Yeah, sure you need a kidney and are using it at the moment. BUT a calculator… who? What? Why can’t you live a day without a handheld calculator?

I think this was strange. By the way I get along really well with them which makes it so weird.

Then I asked Steve who had no problem what so ever lending it to me. I should’ve asked my bro first. Go SteveO!

Exam day. I felt very confident I’d pass because this exam had a good bit of maths in it and I’m good at that. Turned out I failed the exam. I had too many questions about trust taxation which I knew was my weak spot but I thought they’d ask only one or two questions about it. I underestimated the importance of trusts and maybe was a bit unlucky with the exam I got.

I rebooked the exam for today. I did a bit of revising over the long weekend (Monday was a bank holiday) but didn’t feel any smarter than when I first took the exam.

I even went to my Latin dancing classes yesterday – a day before the exam – and came home late in the evening. Gotta know my priorities… The good news is that I passed. I’m a genius!

I really did feel quite good after the social yesterday. I had this little high from the evening. I think it’s because I decided to dance only with the ladies I have most fun with. And then I left on a high note. That high note stuff is powerful!

Some girls are absolutely amazing when it comes to technique, timing and remembering combos but they’re Nazis when it comes to mistakes or improvisation. It’s great to learn from these girls and they give fantastic feedback but they are dull dancing partners. I don’t aim to become a super fancy dancer, it’s entertainment and a hobby. I don’t take it too seriously. On many occasions I look forward to that moment when I mess up the steps and fix it with my own never-seen-before “styling elements”. That’s how I roll! Literally! A good bodyroll is a perfect comeback from any awkward and embarrassing situation. 😛

 

On a different note I will go to Estonia next week – my sister is getting married. This time my visit will last only 3 days which is great. I had mixed emotions about my previous 10 day visit, so this time I’ll keep it short and a bit more organized.

If you’d like to catch up in person and happen to be in Estonia 5-7 Sept, then send me a message on FB or comment below and let’s have a meet.

 

Ivar the Tax Professional

 

Home sweet home

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Home sweet home

home-sweet-home

I once gave somebody some really good advice. Right now I find myself in a similar situation my friend was in. In fact I’ve been in this tight spot for almost 6 months. My friend wasn’t too happy with the place she was living in. My advice for her was to move out and find another place – problem solved. Too bad I’m too stupid to take my own bloody advice.

I’ve been living in a sharehouse for about 6 months and it’s not great. In fact it’s shit. This is the worst place I’ve ever lived in.

It’s funny how something so small can have such a big effect. Here’s what happened on my first week in this house. I woke up and went to the kitchen to make myself a banana and berry smoothie. I put everything into the blender and blended happily away. Then I heard steps coming from upstairs and Princess popped in in his underwear. It was 8 AM and it wasn’t pretty. I received an unhealthy dose of negative verbal feedback for my “crime” and was threatened he’d throw my blender away if I ever used it again at such an early time. Princess slammed the door and left to get his beauty sleep.

I was and still am disgusted by the way Princess handled the scene. It was my very first week in the house and I already received verbal threats and was yelled at. Asshole. Any normal person would’ve approached me in a calm way and asked me to wait a bit longer until I used the blender. You know.. act like a normal decent human… and then maybe have a glass of smoothie-goodness with me as well. But he chose to go all psycho on me. It must’ve been that time of the month…

That incident was quite traumatizing for me and I haven’t felt safe in the house ever since. I mean whenever I use the blender I always feel like I’m about to commit genocide. No matter what time it is, I don’t feel safe using the blender. I suck at dealing with threats.

The crap didn’t end there. It turns out that Princess likes everything done his way. For example I figured out I can’t put my washing into the washing machine before going to work and take it out once I get back (I’m usually the last one to leave the house in the morning and first one to come back). That idea didn’t fly with Princess. He said that would make the washing machine stink. I complied because I already knew what he’d be like if he lost his temper.

Another morning. This time it was a work day and around 7 or 7:30 AM. I was in the kitchen having breakfast and turned on the radio. The music wasn’t loud, just some background noise which I didn’t even notice. One or two minutes into my breakfast I heard loud and angry footsteps coming downstairs again. Princess came into the kitchen and first thing he did was turn off the radio. He was all huffing and puffing but didn’t say a word. Another 5-10 seconds of huffing and puffing and he went upstairs.

I think he realized what a dick he was but that was after he had already turned the radio off. He didn’t want to embarrass himself further and left. At least that’s what I’d like to think happened.

OK… no blending and no radio in the mornings. I can live with that, not a huge adjustment.

I came home once to just use the toilet and grab my wallet or something from my room and I left the front door unlocked. I figured I’d leave the house shortly anyway and there was no point in locking the door. As luck would have it Princess came home and the first thing he told me “the front door was unlocked”. OMG. Such a control freak. God forbid the front door was unlocked for 10 minutes. I didn’t stay to debate the issue because I was in a rush to leave the house.

Another thing I don’t like about Princess is his smoking. Smoking is not allowed in the house but he smokes on the window. The problem is that smoke comes right into my room when my windows are open (I like to keep my windows open in the summer). Why do I have to breathe in his second hand smoke? I did not sign up for this shit.

I understand that Princess might not like me but what’s the deal with the others? There have been several public holidays here and some guests were invited over for beers/lunch/dinner etc, but I was never on the guestlist. None of those social events were even mentioned to me. I believe that my housemates should’ve given me a heads up and for the very least offer me a beer or something. Not just ignore me. Who does that? I was not impressed.

There’s a girl who lives here as well and I’ve walked past her on the street a few times. I’ve said hi but she’s completely ignored me. Twice. She didn’t even look at me, just continued walking. What’s that all about?

Anyway, maybe she had a lot on her mind or had a busy day… whatever. It bothered me for a few weeks until I decided to make peace with it and accept it. If she wants to ignore me, that’s fine, I’ll respect that. On other occasions she’s said hi back and that’s all we’ve ever said to each other (and some other basic greetings). The way I see it, it’s a major improvement. Generally I think she’s a lovely girl with a very good taste in music.

Another night I came back home around midnight. My Latin dancing classes and the social end around 11 PM and I felt like having a snack before going to bed. I had some grapes in the fridge. I took ‘em out and started to wash them in the sink. The whole procedure took me a maximum of 30 seconds and then suddenly I heard footsteps on the stairs again. Now what? What did I do wrong this time?

To my surprise it wasn’t Princess who popped into the kitchen. It was FourEyes. He mumbled something for literally 3 seconds and then left. I did not understand a word he said. Maybe FourEyes was sleep-walking or something but I guess he came to complain about the noise I was making when I washed my grapes in the sink. Wow… running the tap at night must be a real crime against humanity.

The only roommate I like is Andrew. He’s very laid back and doesn’t bitch and whine about anything. All my other housemates have a lot to learn from him. I once invited him to try a Latin dancing class and he decided to give it a shot. Another time we went to play a bit of golf. He’s a good kid.

Yesterday I received a phone call from my landlord who asked me about how I was “mixing” with the other housemates. I didn’t beat around the bush and said I didn’t feel safe in the house, mostly because of Princess, his short temper and passive aggressiveness.

My landlord also said that he received a complaint about me “hoarding” the washing machine and asked what I was washing. The thing is that I do a bit of running training and need to wash my training clothes after each run. It’s because I only used to have one set of training clothes (I’ve slowly bought more in the last few months) and since I also hurt my left ankle a few weeks ago and haven’t done much running, my washing machine requirements have decreased dramatically.

What annoys me is that I had no idea I was causing anybody trouble with the washing machine. This was the first time I had heard of it. Why did the person report to the landlord instead of talking to me? Besides I always leave my empty laundry bag next to the machine, so that once the washing is done, all you need to do is take the stuff out and put it into the bag, then continue with your laundry. Basic stuff. My housemates haven’t been that mindful and on a couple occasions haven’t left a basket or laundry bag around… so I couldn’t take their washing out after the cycle finished. Not cool.

 

 

So. I think it’s time I took my own advice and moved out. I’ll be looking for a new place and hopefully can move out sooner rather than later.

 

Ivar the TroubleMaker

Oh the humanity

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Human nature baffles me. I just don’t understand some things. Here’s  an example: I washed my bed linen and the blanket cover, then put it on the line to dry but when I went to take it off it was already gone. Somebody (I suspect my housemates) took my stuff (to be fair it’s technically not my stuff – I found the linen and blanket cover in a closet near the TV-room on the day I moved in, and I’ve had it for 3 months). Still, “my” stuff was taken and not even a peep about who did it. I understand if you want to do the right thing and take my washing off the line before it starts raining or something… but just taking it like that… there’s no good reason why somebody would do that. I’ve looked for my bed linen and they’re nowhere – any rational person would put them into an easily to find place for the other housemate to find it. Anywho… I don’t even want to get it back, I hope the thief (or rightful owner) will get sleep apnea while under that blanket cover and is taken straight to hell to burn in the eternal fire of Hades with the power of a thousand Suns.

Hell

(I like the pic. It looks like the skeletons are dancing and the volcanoes remind me of New Zealand…. so I guess it’s a NZ party hell!!!)

Oh well…. I decided to let that fantasy of having good decent housemates go and bought new linen and a blanket/pillow cover. Problem solved!

You might think that the above is a pseudo issue but it caused me a lot of anger and frustration. Why? Why? Oh the humanity, just tell me why would anybody do such a thing?

 

Running. My training is going really well but I’m nowhere I want to be with my speed yet. I’ve discovered that during my long runs  I’m OK the first 25 km. After that my heart rate goes above my upper limit (149) very easily and it’s difficult/impossible to keep a good pace with a heart rate below 149. It might be a hydration thing… or maybe the day gets gradually too hot for me during my run?

Two days ago I ran a marathon – it wasn’t a race, just a training run. My goal was to finish in less than 4 hours. It was a beautiful day and the first 25-27 km went really well. Then it became difficult to keep my heart rate below 149 and I decided to ignore it. The last 10-12 km weren’t pretty – average heart rate around 160 which didn’t feel good. I also passed one of my colleagues from work. It was good to have somebody cheer me on on my marathon. I kept going and finished in 3:55:02.

You’d think I was happy about it but that’s not the case. I didn’t experience any joy from achieving my time goal. My brain immediately told me …”oh whoop-dee-doo, it took you 1 year to shave off 10 minutes from your marathon time”. Plus I felt like crap because I kept my heart rate near 160 for about an hour. Maybe I’m depressed? Maybe I can’t feel positive emotions anymore?

I don’t feel depressed… but maybe I’m in denial? – There’s no way to win this debate.

 

Today was another great day. I’m studying for exams which are required to become a financial adviser. These exams turned out to be much harder than I anticipated. Earlier today I took the first exam (it’s called R01) and passed it.  One down, eleven more to go!

 

Ivar the Adviser

Pollution of Trust

2

Remember the fiasco about the room I “rented” from Turkey? I filed a fraud case with the police (ActionFraud) more than a month ago and here’s what they wrote last week:

Your report has been assessed by the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau (NFIB) and the information you provided has enabled the police to take action to disrupt the activities of suspected criminals. This activity can be in the form of requests to suspend or take down:

• Fraudulent websites or email accounts,

• Telephone numbers,

• Bank accounts or foreign currency exchange accounts.

It can take time for disruption requests to be fully processed, so please be assured that this activity is in progress and that no further action is required on your part. You should not hear from us again in relation to this case, unless further analysis by the NFIB links your report to another crime in the future, in which case we will contact you to provide details of that referral.

I don’t know what to think of the letter. I don’t care about suspended telephone numbers or email accounts – I just want to get my money back. My trust in the police has reached a record low.

On another note: my relationship with Maria also ended. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming (after all she lives on the other side of the planet) but what made me very angry was that she didn’t tell me. I had to find out on my own. Since moving to the UK when I was asked if I had a gf I always said yes… but it turns out I was lying. She’s been seeing someone else for months.

All I wanted to do was to hurt her back, to break something or blow something up. That went on for a few days until I cooled down.

Maybe it’s for the best anyway: I was quite stressed and unhappy in my first month in the UK and adding bad news would’ve made everything worse. So maybe finding out the truth months later was a blessing in disguise.

I hope she’s happy. I truly do. I will remember the joy she introduced to my life and keep the good memories. Good bye!

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” ― Frank Herbert

Full stop.