I realise I should’ve done a much better job summarizing my last year in my previous post. That’s because I just saw how PewDiePie summarized his year. Oh man… I’ve got so much to learn from him.
Now where’s my credit card? I need to buy some merch and bropoints.
Brofist!
Ivar – forever bro
Hi kids,
Today was the day I’ve been training for for about 6 months. I woke up, got my shit together and walked to the park where I knew the first thing I’d do is join the pissline. I din’t really need to go but figured just in case. The park was crowded with about 2000 runners and their family/friends/supporters.
I was jealous of everyone because I had nobody supporting me. I was all alone :(. The queue moved along at a snail’s pace. I enjoyed trotting in the wet grass and mud – ladies and gentlemen this is what England is all about. I forced a tiny amount of liquid out of my bladder and felt hugely accomplished – it was totally worth the 25 minute wait in the pissline. Hands down this was the best part of race day.
I moved along to the bag drop are, got rid of my shit and went for a 15 minute warm-up run. I felt optimistic and full of energy. My last two Sunday runs were epic – I ran a personal best in a 5K, 10K, 16K/10Miles, half marathon and 32K/20Miles distances. I was very confident I’d run a personal best in this marathon as well. I was aiming for a sub 3H 10 min.
I positioned myself behind the sub 4H sign. This was my first mistake – after my start I had to pass many runners because I wanted to stay at a 4:22 min/km pace – it was a nightmare and the first 2 kilometers were rubbish. In my experience the first 3 km are crucial to running a PB – if they’re slow, it’s very hard to make up for them later on in the race. I was already going slower than I planned. Then shortly I discovered that the pavement stopped and we started to run on wet grass. It was soft and muddy and gross – and incredibly hard to run on. The marathon was a multi-terrain race – pavement, grass and gravel. I wrongly thought that it would still be mostly on paved roads – but it was about 50% pavement and 50% grass or gravel. I hadn’t done my homework.
At about the 5Mile/8K mark I noticed that my legs were hurting. 5 FUCKING MILES. What? I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never been in pain after such a short distance. I hardly ever run distances that short – and there I was with pain in both calves which was moving up towards my quads. I think it was the grass which caused it – it felt like running on wet sand. Where was a lot of give on the surface and that must have put my leg muscles under strain/stress which they hadn’t been exposed to during my 100% pavement training runs.
The pain didn’t go anywhere. It was gradually getting worse and I was slowing down more and more. After about 16K/10Miles I wanted to quit. It was clear that this race wasn’t for me. All I wanted to do was to stop the pain, stop, walk home and cry like a little bitch. But I kept going, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the endorphins will kick in and the pain will go away. That never happened. FML. 🙂
It was a surreal experience. The last 10K or so my heart rate averaged 150 bpm (FYI that’s very easy running and certainly not race pace) and I just couldn’t go faster. The fitness was where but the pain much too great. I told myself that I wouldn’t walk, I’d keep shuffling all the way if I had to. I think I got quite good at doing the shuffle.
This was the hardest race I’ve ever done. After crossing the finish line at 3:49:07 I got a medal around my neck and a goodie bag. I slowly walked towards a tree and laid down on the moist grass and formed a massive star with my arms and legs. I was exhausted and glad that the ordeal was over. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was so disappointed, angry and sad. I was so pissed I even ate the 3 non-vegan chocolate/protein bars I found in the goodie bag. Looks like I wanted to spread my misery and support the torture and murdering of other sentient beings. I feel bad about it now but at that moment I didn’t care. Yeah… I’m quite disgusted by what I did.
So where you have it – today was this year’s crappiest day. The perfect storm has come to an end and after taking a warm bath at home I’m optimistic that sunny days will follow.
Congratulations to my fellow runners – all 2000 of you. I’d also like to thank for the support from the volunteers and community. This was my 4th official race and the support from the people was the greatest today – England 1 Australia 0.
Ivar the Shuffler
A week ago I asked my female colleagues for a calculator. I needed one for my personal taxation (CII R03) exam which was on the following day. Normally I’d use my phone’s calculator but mobiles weren’t allowed during the exam. I asked one of the girls and she said no because she “was using it at the moment”. The second girl gave me the same answer. It felt a lot like as if I asked them for a kidney.
Yeah, sure you need a kidney and are using it at the moment. BUT a calculator… who? What? Why can’t you live a day without a handheld calculator?
I think this was strange. By the way I get along really well with them which makes it so weird.
Then I asked Steve who had no problem what so ever lending it to me. I should’ve asked my bro first. Go SteveO!
Exam day. I felt very confident I’d pass because this exam had a good bit of maths in it and I’m good at that. Turned out I failed the exam. I had too many questions about trust taxation which I knew was my weak spot but I thought they’d ask only one or two questions about it. I underestimated the importance of trusts and maybe was a bit unlucky with the exam I got.
I rebooked the exam for today. I did a bit of revising over the long weekend (Monday was a bank holiday) but didn’t feel any smarter than when I first took the exam.
I even went to my Latin dancing classes yesterday – a day before the exam – and came home late in the evening. Gotta know my priorities… The good news is that I passed. I’m a genius!
I really did feel quite good after the social yesterday. I had this little high from the evening. I think it’s because I decided to dance only with the ladies I have most fun with. And then I left on a high note. That high note stuff is powerful!
Some girls are absolutely amazing when it comes to technique, timing and remembering combos but they’re Nazis when it comes to mistakes or improvisation. It’s great to learn from these girls and they give fantastic feedback but they are dull dancing partners. I don’t aim to become a super fancy dancer, it’s entertainment and a hobby. I don’t take it too seriously. On many occasions I look forward to that moment when I mess up the steps and fix it with my own never-seen-before “styling elements”. That’s how I roll! Literally! A good bodyroll is a perfect comeback from any awkward and embarrassing situation. 😛
On a different note I will go to Estonia next week – my sister is getting married. This time my visit will last only 3 days which is great. I had mixed emotions about my previous 10 day visit, so this time I’ll keep it short and a bit more organized.
If you’d like to catch up in person and happen to be in Estonia 5-7 Sept, then send me a message on FB or comment below and let’s have a meet.
Ivar the Tax Professional
One guy from work had this genius idea that we should all go and watch cricket together. I thought it’s a good opportunity to get to know each other a bit more in a non-work environment and said yes. I wasn’t too excited about cricket because I remembered my last time I saw the game in Australia. It was boring as hell.
Friday arrived and after work I went to the game. I wasn’t too happy about it because there was a party at my dancing school. I’d rather go there than watch cricket. But hey… opportunities for social capital are few and far between.
Having extensive knowledge of my last cricket game experience I decided to buy a few drinks before I sat down. The logic I used was the same as when men consume alcohol to make the women look good again. Armed with my cider I bravely marched towards my seat of death by boredom.
Most of my other work mates were already there. They all knew I didn’t know much about the game. One guy explained me what it was all about and he did a great job. Now I know the gist of it but more knowledge didn’t do a thing to decrease the boredom.
I wanted to leave after the first half (alright that’s a lie, I wanted to leave after the first 10 minutes) but thought it would be rude to do so. So there I was – sitting in the sun, sweating like a pig, without sunglasses, trying to fake some interest but c’mon guys, nobody can fake for 3 hours. Nor did the alcohol help. I was glad when it ended. I walked home knowing that tomorrow would be a good day. How right I was…
Changing gears matafakas
Any way you want it, just the way you need it, any way you want it…
Epic Pause
Tomorrow – that awesome day I’ve been looking forward to – arrived. Canada called me and woke me up. She asked me where I was – we were supposed to meet up in London. I did a bit of planning and took the train.
By the way I met Canada in Australia (you should know that if you read my blog, if you don’t shame on you!!!). We went on a road trip on the east coast and watched an opera in the Sydney opera house back in the day.
She had not changed a bit. We spent the whole day doing touristy things – for example walked in Hyde Park and saw the Buckingham Palace. That was pretty much it. We didn’t really care much about that stuff… we only had eyes for each other. 😀 We also watched Godzilla. Man, that’s an awesome movie!!! I loved it!
I like that about London i.e the fact that I can still meet my friends from Australia. I guess the UK’s not that bad after all.
I was jealous of all her stories. She did a 2 month eurotrip. Hiked in the Alps and what not. My personal best marathon time and passing an exam was no match to her highlights. She inspired me. I need to spice up things a bit. I need action… I don’t know what I’ll do but I’m slowly dying here.
My good friend Einstein once said that you can’t expect to get different results by doing the same things. I need change. I want to feel alive again.
Rachel and me near the Buckingham thing
Looking normal
Human nature baffles me. I just don’t understand some things. Here’s an example: I washed my bed linen and the blanket cover, then put it on the line to dry but when I went to take it off it was already gone. Somebody (I suspect my housemates) took my stuff (to be fair it’s technically not my stuff – I found the linen and blanket cover in a closet near the TV-room on the day I moved in, and I’ve had it for 3 months). Still, “my” stuff was taken and not even a peep about who did it. I understand if you want to do the right thing and take my washing off the line before it starts raining or something… but just taking it like that… there’s no good reason why somebody would do that. I’ve looked for my bed linen and they’re nowhere – any rational person would put them into an easily to find place for the other housemate to find it. Anywho… I don’t even want to get it back, I hope the thief (or rightful owner) will get sleep apnea while under that blanket cover and is taken straight to hell to burn in the eternal fire of Hades with the power of a thousand Suns.
(I like the pic. It looks like the skeletons are dancing and the volcanoes remind me of New Zealand…. so I guess it’s a NZ party hell!!!)
Oh well…. I decided to let that fantasy of having good decent housemates go and bought new linen and a blanket/pillow cover. Problem solved!
You might think that the above is a pseudo issue but it caused me a lot of anger and frustration. Why? Why? Oh the humanity, just tell me why would anybody do such a thing?
Running. My training is going really well but I’m nowhere I want to be with my speed yet. I’ve discovered that during my long runs I’m OK the first 25 km. After that my heart rate goes above my upper limit (149) very easily and it’s difficult/impossible to keep a good pace with a heart rate below 149. It might be a hydration thing… or maybe the day gets gradually too hot for me during my run?
Two days ago I ran a marathon – it wasn’t a race, just a training run. My goal was to finish in less than 4 hours. It was a beautiful day and the first 25-27 km went really well. Then it became difficult to keep my heart rate below 149 and I decided to ignore it. The last 10-12 km weren’t pretty – average heart rate around 160 which didn’t feel good. I also passed one of my colleagues from work. It was good to have somebody cheer me on on my marathon. I kept going and finished in 3:55:02.
You’d think I was happy about it but that’s not the case. I didn’t experience any joy from achieving my time goal. My brain immediately told me …”oh whoop-dee-doo, it took you 1 year to shave off 10 minutes from your marathon time”. Plus I felt like crap because I kept my heart rate near 160 for about an hour. Maybe I’m depressed? Maybe I can’t feel positive emotions anymore?
I don’t feel depressed… but maybe I’m in denial? – There’s no way to win this debate.
Today was another great day. I’m studying for exams which are required to become a financial adviser. These exams turned out to be much harder than I anticipated. Earlier today I took the first exam (it’s called R01) and passed it. One down, eleven more to go!
Ivar the Adviser
Remember the fiasco about the room I “rented” from Turkey? I filed a fraud case with the police (ActionFraud) more than a month ago and here’s what they wrote last week:
Your report has been assessed by the National Fraud Intelligence Bureau (NFIB) and the information you provided has enabled the police to take action to disrupt the activities of suspected criminals. This activity can be in the form of requests to suspend or take down:
• Fraudulent websites or email accounts,
• Telephone numbers,
• Bank accounts or foreign currency exchange accounts.
It can take time for disruption requests to be fully processed, so please be assured that this activity is in progress and that no further action is required on your part. You should not hear from us again in relation to this case, unless further analysis by the NFIB links your report to another crime in the future, in which case we will contact you to provide details of that referral.
I don’t know what to think of the letter. I don’t care about suspended telephone numbers or email accounts – I just want to get my money back. My trust in the police has reached a record low.
On another note: my relationship with Maria also ended. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming (after all she lives on the other side of the planet) but what made me very angry was that she didn’t tell me. I had to find out on my own. Since moving to the UK when I was asked if I had a gf I always said yes… but it turns out I was lying. She’s been seeing someone else for months.
All I wanted to do was to hurt her back, to break something or blow something up. That went on for a few days until I cooled down.
Maybe it’s for the best anyway: I was quite stressed and unhappy in my first month in the UK and adding bad news would’ve made everything worse. So maybe finding out the truth months later was a blessing in disguise.
I hope she’s happy. I truly do. I will remember the joy she introduced to my life and keep the good memories. Good bye!
“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” ― Frank Herbert
Full stop.
Life is very quiet here, I’m not really doing anything exciting. The highlight of my week is Tuesday evening when I take my Latin dancing classes. It’s good to spin those girls and dance with noobs. The last time I twisted a girl’s arm a bit (I wasn’t trying to do anything fancy, she just wasn’t following) and we learned some dips which were very entertaining because the girls don’t trust me to hold their weight in my big muscular arms :D. Oh… sometimes I wish I could do a dip 😀 Nope. Not really.
I resumed my running training. So far I’ve run 53, 59, 59 and 65 km per week. I also bought a heart rate monitor after doing some research. I read an article Want speed? Slow down! by Phil Maffetone. That article convinced me to give it a shot so I bought the heart rate monitor. Basically the whole idea is to run at or slightly below your maximum aerobic heart rate (180-age-5 if injured) and build your running base. In time your body will be able to run faster while keeping the same heart rate. So far I’ve only run 3 times with my HRM and I’m slowly getting used to the feeling of running at the correct heart rate.
By the way the roads were better in Brisbane for running. Also Brisbane had lots of bats but here we’ve got many squirrels and birds who sometimes scare the crap out of me on my runs. For the record… I’m not afraid of those little creatures per se, it’s just that sometimes they fly out of the bush making all kinds of noise when you least expect it. I’m sure these little bastards are the real reason why some runners get heart attacks and die on their runs.
If you remember in a previous post I wrote that I got a job at a financial advice company (technically it’s an IFA – independent financial advisor). You might recall that I needed to pass a series of exams if I wanted to become an IFA. Let’s just say that I started studying for my first exam. I haven’t booked an exam date (you can take the exam every week or so) yet since I’m new to the financial services regulatory world in the UK – my first exam will be in markets, ethics and regulation. Once I feel a bit more confident I’ll take the exam.
I’ve lost weight since I left Australia. I was 80 kg when I left Brisbane. Two months in New Zealand shaved off 5 kgs and now since I’ve started training I’ve lost another 3 kgs. Today in the morning I weighed 72 kg. I need to start eating more crap!!!
I remember Vera (the German girl I travelled with in NZ) once told me her New Year’s resolution. She said with that cute cheeky smile of her’s… “What if this year I’ll do the exact opposite of what I normally do? This year my resolution is to get fat!” 😀 I just laughed because I thought that was such a ridiculous idea. Usually people get fat because they’re lazy as fuck – not because they want to. But hey… I wish her luck with her endeavors.
Alright back to the UK. I still haven’t received my money back from Turkey. Yesterday I filed a fraud report and hope that this will help me get my funds back. Long shot, I know. The last message from Turkey said that his mother died and he’s in Turkey blah-blah-blah… besides that he’s been ignoring all of my messages from the last 2 weeks. Turkey has my UK bank account details and could’ve made the transfer any day. He’s being a dick about it and that’s why I opened the fraud case.
I have days when all I do is wish to be back in Australia. The other day I saw a girl on a scooter and my heart skipped a beat or two because I thought it was Maria. Awwwww, shut up! Every now and then my Australian friends share an update or a video on WhatsApp and all that triggers so many memories of my life in Brisbane. It was a good chapter. A chapter I’d like to visit again.
Ivar the Dreamer
Ivar the Salacious 
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