A rosy story

I was sitting in the corner all alone and not playing with the other kids. Well, not so much playing but dancing but you know what I mean. “Different, but same-same” – as they say in Malaysia.
I was a true outsider or should I say outlier? Suddenly I had an idea to give something new a shot. Here goes nothing…
I’m going to introduce you to a woman in my life. She’s not much older than me but far wiser than she thinks. She tends to lack a filter and is a master at tearing a new one to anyone who insults her. Beware! Don’t poke the bear. She bites.
If I was interrogated by a policeman and asked if I knew someone who was capable of the nastiest and vilest actions against humanity – she’d fit the bill perfectly. She’s perfect like that.
It always seems like someone or something died in the room if she’s not around. She’s the sun that brightens up each and every crevice of a long forsaken Egyptian tomb. We all secretly miss her when she’s sick or far away on holidays.

She’s quick with her decisions. Kinda like a panda. A kung-fu panda! She can do cartwheels which will bring tears into your eyes.
Her spontaneity is both a virtue and a curse. It depends on who you ask. You always need to take everything she says or commits to with a grain of salt. We love her anyway.
Sometimes she passes me in her car on my way to work. She usually offers me a lift but I almost always give her the finger. “Up yours, I’m not rushing to work” I say. She knows that but after 10 months and countless hand gestures all meaning “go away”, she persists. A lot like a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before (~Jacob Riis). Eventually she’ll lure me into the deathtrap which her car certainly is. May the Almighty be with me when that day arrives.
One of her greatest gifts is making teas and coffees. It doesn’t happen often but when it does my neighbors neighbor will know about it. Oh boy is that an occasion.

There you go. Xoxo
Ivar the Salacious


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