Category Archives: Fun

Experiencing the Outback and getting cultured

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Getting a free ride in Sydney

My hostel was a total dump. I expected little but no toilet paper in the restrooms and no light bulbs in the lamps were a bit too much. The place was filthy.
I had trouble finding my room. Well that’s all my fault because I didn’t realize second floor meant THIRD floor.
Among other things a blanket was actually just a second bed sheet. The showers were awful and I didn’t dare to find out whether they had hot water. I just took off. Yes, I’m a bit of a princess.

They also took a $50 key deposit. Bastards! The reception was closed when I tried to check out at 7 AM to get to the airport. So I kept the keys and hope I’ll get my deposit back this Sunday when I’m back from Ayers Rock.

My back was still hurting when I walked and getting to Bondi Junction to meet Canada was a pain. I started walking towards Bondi hoping that I’ll find a bus stop along the road. I covered about half the distance until I managed to hop on a bus but the driver said “only prepaid tickets are allowed on this bus”…. I used my highly developed skills of persuasion and said “OK, sorry” and stepped off the bus. It worked like a charm! He waved me back in and gave me a lift for free. That’s how it’s done bitches!

Last time I saw Canada was in December on our road trip from Brisbane to Cairns. A lot has happened since. We had a pleasant polite conversation, drank lots of maple syrup and made fun of each other. Aaaaahhhh! We’re so mature! It was great to see her again.

A walk in a park

It was a Friday. I landed in Ayers Rock/Uluru – right in the middle of Australia. A bus took all the Australian Outback marathon runners to their hotels. Looking out the bus windows we could see Ayers Rock in the distance.

Some of my friends worried I’d end up in a wheelchair after the race. One of them sent me an email with information about back injuries. My symptoms were closest to sciatica – something was pressing on the sciatic nerve when I was walking which was causing my pain. I felt that I could do the 11 km walk and changed my race. Hey, I wasn’t able to run, even walking was painful. Sure, I’m stupid but not suicidal. There will be other marathons.

The best part of the day was the carbo loading dinner – mmmmm lots of all you can eat food. Nom-nom-nom-nom!!!

The next day was race day. It was pretty cold in the morning – around 2 or 3 degrees but about 1 hour into the race and it warmed up. I walked barefoot and was very very slow. I shared parts of my route with the half and full marathon runners. As the runners passed me they kept asking me whether I was OK. I understand why they did that – after all I was walking at the pace of a turtle. For a while I kept telling them I was alright but it got old really quickly. Then I opted for a different tactic.

Every time I heard a runner approaching from behind I turned over and clapped and gave them some encouragement e.g. “Go, go, go!” or “Have a good run!” or “Only 26 km to go!!!”. Most of them smiled then I did that so I continued with this until the very end of my 2h 47 min walk.

Several runners actually stopped and walked with me. Some of them just needed a break form running, others wanted to enjoy the scenery and some were just curious why I was walking barefoot in the desert.

FYI walking on “red earth” was really quite pleasant. It was very similar to walking on a beach – on nice and soft sand. The weather was perfect with clear blue skies and a 20-25 C temperature. You can’t wish for better conditions for a walk!

My finish was awesome! I had to do a 100 m semi-circle around the crowd before crossing the finish line and everybody kept cheering me on the whole time. What can I say… you get what you give! 😀

Even the commentator walked up to me with his microphone and asked me a question or two about the race! I felt speeeeecial! 😛

The Australian Outback marathon was a great experience!  I highly recommend it!

After the race I did some touristy stuff. I booked a helicopter tour around Ayers Rock and Kata Tjuta. This was my first ever helicopter flight. I was more excited about being in a helicopter than seeing the rocks in the desert.

I thought the helicopter would have a lot of turbulence since it was such a small aircraft, but no. To my surprise the flight was very smooth.

Luck was also on my side – I got to sit next to the pilot and had a much better view compared to the people in the back. The tour was pretty cool!


Next day I thought my back would be killing me but I discovered I was virtually pain free instead. Good way to start a day! I didn’t do much until my flight back to Sydney.

Fat women screaming

After checking in to my second hostel I went back to the first one to give them the keys back and to collect my key deposit. Didn’t have any trouble doing that. Success!

One of the things I’ve been wanting to tick off my bucket list was seeing an opera at the Sydney Opera House. Several weeks ago I bought two tickets to La Traviata ($155 a pop) and got Canada to join me.

Fast forward to the opera, I picked up the tickets and waited for Rachel to arrive. She was late. The problem with that was that you can’t get in once the fat lady starts singing. I had to leave her ticket to the “doorwoman” so that she’d give it to Rachel. Usually they’d put the latecomers into a restricted viewing area where they could only hear the opera but couldn’t see anything. They’d have to stay there until the break. Canada was lucky to get in and see the opera from somewhere above me.

She found me during the break and we continued enjoying the show. OK, we didn’t really like the opera that much. Not exactly my thing but we had a good time commenting on the bloody thing.

Later I had to say goodbye to Rachel – this time probably for a very very long time, if not forever. I will remember her as the most captivating, ravishing, lovely, incredible, overwhelming, adorable, alluring, enticing and radiant girl I’ve ever met. I’ll remember her eyes which constantly shine with joy. And most of all I’ll cherish the memories of her unique ability to make me laugh like this:

laughing

I will miss you Rachel!

Ivar McDicks

Too dumb

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I put my hands together and extended my index fingers – just like the hypnotizer instructed. Then he said that the fingers want to stay together but he challenged us to try to separate them. As I did that the fingers magically came closer and closer and closer until they touched. The man said that if my fingers came together I was a good subject for being hypnotized. Then he asked volunteers to come on the stage and my hand was waving fanatically.

People who are stupid can’t be hypnotized. That’s what I was told. Or maybe it was a joke? I will never know.

About 12 people were sitting on chairs on the stage and we were all hypnotized – except that it didn’t work on me. I kept my eyes shut and tried to relax and focus on his words but that had no effect on me.

Other than that the show was funny. He got people to dance like Elvis or like a chicken. People were laying square eggs, looking for their imaginary dog… He transformed several men into supermodels on a catwalk and got them to do lap dances for people in the audience. The guy sitting next to me was turned into a 4 year old girl who found his mother’s make-up kit and played dress up. I saw all that and it was real. They weren’t pretending.

Cool stuff. Thank you Princess for the tickets!

After the show I walked slowly back to Prince Charming’s car because my back was still hurting but at least I could walk (massive improvement).

I’ve done no running in the last 7 days. The most I could do is 3 seconds of jogging in one place. There’s no way I’ll be running a marathon this Saturday – that miracle recovery thing isn’t happening.

Ivar the Turtle

A cake with a surprise

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After my baking project I was sure I’d never bake anything again, until I was invited to a birthday party. My little social group was discussing gift ideas and I suggested a prank – an exploding birthday cake.

Everybody was in agreement that this was a good idea… unfortunately nobody volunteered for the task. Since I had a bit of experience with cakes I decided to take up this challenge.

I Googled some instructions and watched several YouTube videos to get an idea how the explosive cake was made. Basically you’ve got a tray and an inflated balloon is taped onto it. The whole thing is covered with some whipped cream and decorated like a normal birthday cake. As the birthday girl/boy cuts the cake open the balloon pops and the whipped cream explodes everywhere. That’s the gist of it.

I was making the first cake but I wasn’t gentle enough with the balloon. It popped as I was trying to tape it to the serving dish. Fail!

The second time I was a bit more careful, I also decided to put more air into the balloon to reach its maximum explosive potential. This time I even covered the thing with whipped cream. The problem was that decoration has never been one of my strongest skills – it looked rather gross and ugly. The birthday boy would have never believed it was a real cake.

After careful consideration I decided to throw the fugly thing into the trashcan. I knew I could do better.

Soon afterwards, a masterpiece was in the making. Cake 2.0 was a huge improvement – a bit smaller but much more realistic than its predecessor. I was confident it would paint half the restaurant white with whipped cream.

The next day we all got together for the birthday dinner… everybody had fun blah blah blah. We got the staff to serve the cake and everybody was singing “Happy birthday!” Here’s what happened:

Uhm… things didn’t exactly go as planned, but it was hilarious. Everybody was expecting a big bang but all it did was deflate. 😀 A failure can still be a great success!!!

On a different note, I decided to do a vegan week starting today. If it’s not too difficult I might continue longer. Here’s pretty much why I’m doing it:

Vegetarianism

Ivar

The trolls at work

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A piece of me died when I stepped into the same building again.  Last year I worked on the NAPLAN project too and it was super boring. 1.5 years in Australia and I’m still in the same place… I’m a lot like Ted Mosby I think.

career and lovelife

I went to the kitchen area and as I scanned the newbies in the kitchen trying to decide where to sit, I suddenly saw this gorgeous woman. Being good mannered and all I moved in to keep her company… Aaah, she’s from Brazil. I should go there instead of New Zealand.

About two minutes into our conversation I found out she was married. The blood moved back into my brain and I didn’t feel like talking to her anymore. The memories of that dark and grim workplace started to came back to me. I sighed in utter despair. Oh, the things you have to do for money…

The saddest part was that I wasn’t the only one doing that project again. It really seems I’m one of those people who lead quiet lives of desperation.

We did a bit of super boring work, as expected. But then I got creative. I can’t help but let my mind wander when not doing anything interesting. So, there I was working with about 100 people in the same room typing stuff into a computer imagining that everybody else was a troll, just like in the pic and =3 video below. 😀

troll2

The trolls turned my frown upside down and time started to pass faster. The good thing is that I’ll be working there only for one month and I don’t have any super early starts anymore – no more 4AM shifts. I can go to work like a normal person again. It’s also closer to home so I might cycle or run to work to get a bit more exercise into my marathon training.

At the end of the day things weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. Besides I might make some new friends too. Oh and did I mention… the female to male ratio is awesome! There are about 20 women/girls per man. Sweet!

Ivar

It almost happened today

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I was really worried for a sec because I wasn’t prepared.  When the police car behind me started its siren I didn’t know what to do. Should I pull over or let him pass or what was I supposed to do? A moment later I realized that I didn’t have the goods with me. Damn it! Stupid, stupid, stupid… I was kicking myself.

I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for several months… well, since I saw Gabriel Iglesias’ video “Making Cops Laugh”.

That dark night, pulling over and looking into the mirror, watching the policeman approach. Then scrolling down the window and hearing the classic words “Do you know why I pulled you over?”  With a huge smile I’d say “Yes of course, officer. It’s because you can smell the donuts!!!” and I’d hand him the box of donuts I’ve been keeping in my car for just this occasion. 😀 I bet this trick would get me out of a ticket!

donuts

Sadly none of that happened because the police car passed me and went to save a frightened kitten from a tree. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to buy some donuts and keep them in an air-tight container somewhere in my car. I need to be prepared. Hmm… I wonder how long will the donuts stay edible?

I think Australia is getting the best of me… I’m backwards – I actually want to be pulled over. 

Better luck next time,

Ivar

Naked Jumper

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Princess picked me up at 7:30 AM. Her ride is way better than mine. Our destination was Ripcord Skydivers near Gatton, just an hour’s drive west from Brisbane. We reached it around 9 AM, maybe a bit later.

I was very calm in the car and the days before the jump. It’s because I remembered my tandem jump and how good it was, so I wasn’t scared. I knew I’d enjoy it.

After several wrong U-turns we finally arrived at the DropZone, I blame the female driver for our logistical difficulties. We had to fill in some papers to make sure that we understood the risks involved with skydiving. After that training commenced.

Neither of us had done a solo jump before, this was going to be the first one. Our instructor Sara taught us how to put the parachute on, how to turn right, left and how to brake, how to land, what to do with line twists. Later she talked about how to open the emergency parachute. We practiced doing that for a good 30 minutes. She covered all kinds of malfunctions and what to do in each case.

We also practiced landing outside by jumping from stairs onto a mat and later the mat was removed to give us an idea what it really felt like. One student was a bit overweight and it was funny to listen to the instructor’s comments because he kept landing the wrong way. First it was: “OK, you just broke your ankles”, a bit later “yep, you just broke your right leg”… It was hilarious because he “broke” every bone possible. Later on he got better… I think (he continued practicing with the instructor as everybody else went on a break). After the break we practiced getting out of the plane. The idea is to stay low, otherwise you risk pulling the safety pins on your emergency parachute and in worst case scenario killing everybody on the plane.

I think the training ended around 2 or 3 PM. Sadly we were not able to jump immediately after it because of the strong wind. We had to wait for the weather to calm down.

As we waited, I noticed a guitar in one of the rooms and was able to kill some time playing a song or two. Since we were clearly bored one of the jump team members decided to show us a video compilation of last year’s jumps. She also added her commentary. It was really funny to see what you can do in the air.

For example there’s a thing called skyrape. It’s when one jumper mounts the other one from above and starts dry humping him/her and there’s nothing the other person can do about it. It’s one of the dumbest and funniest things I’ve seen. 😀

The videos had other cool stuff like eating M&M’s during a freefall, lots of funny faces and circling around each other. And then there was a clip of a naked guy getting out of the plane. The jump instructor said that guy got exactly the same training as we did and later asked whether he could do the jump nude. The instructors were OK with that and so he did.

Several other cool clips followed. Until Sara showed us a video of one guy who didn’t stay low as he got out of the plane, he pulled his emergency parachute’s pins out. Both of his parachutes opened after the jump but he was still able to land unharmed. After that the jump team started to talk about all kinds of accidents and about what bones some people broke and how they did it. It was funny to watch how much enthusiasm they had when they spoke about injuries. It was all great stuff to know about before my first solo jump.

I started thinking about that guy who jumped naked and thought for a second that I could do that. You know, you only live once. If you do something, you should do it with some gusto. I couldn’t get that idea out of my head and decided that I would do a nude jump as well. The jump team didn’t have a problem with that. Well, sort of. Sara didn’t agree to be the one to help me … uhm… fasten the parachute around my … uhm… down under. “Luckily” another guy agreed to do that.

I was asked whether I was excited. “I can’t get excited… if you know what I mean”, I replied. 😛

The initial plan was for Princess to jump on the flight before me. Later the jump team decided to put us on the same flight. So, Princess got suited up and had her parachute fastened to her back and a bit later it was time for me to Birthday Suit Up. The jump team had a lot of fun as they took pics of the other guy “helping” me with the chute. 😛 I will look back fondly to those fun and embarrassing moments for years to come…

OK, now it was time to get my bare ass on the plane. I wasn’t completely naked – I had to wear shoes and a helmet. The helmet had a radio in it which the instructors used to guide me through my jump and landing. Several practice routines on the ground to make sure that we remembered what to do and take off.

About 5-10 minutes later we were at 3500 feet and they opened the plane’s door. It stayed open for a good minute or two. They gave me the signal – three taps on my shoulder. I immediately forgot everything I learned during the training but somehow got out of the plane, stayed low and moments later was hanging on to the diagonal which connects the wing to the plane’s body. There was nothing below my feet and then all I had to do was let go.

Just 5-6 seconds later the parachute opened on its own. I looked up and saw a line twist, I got out of it, released the brakes, and followed the instructions given to me via the radio. I turned left, I turned right and practiced landing. Everything seemed OK with the chute. “Woooohooooooooooooo! Yeah! This is it! I did it! Woooooohoooooooooooo”, I screamed. 😀 I was super happy as I felt the breeze down under.

The idea was that a solo student jumped and after he/she landed the next one got out of the plane. John gave me instructions on when to turn right or left and guided me down to the landing spot. I got a bit confused because at one point he started to give instructions to Princess as well (it was the same radio frequency) and I turned when I wasn’t supposed to. I know, I know, excuses excuses. Anywho I overshot the big X but landed nicely on my feet (ok that’s a lie too, I crashed and burned). I daisy-chained the parachute, packed it all together and walked back to the jump team as Princess made her landing. Her landing was much better than mine. Overachiever.

I’m glad Princess joined me, she made the day very entertaining. I loved her company, especially her laughter and good mood.

Thank you Ripcord Skydivers! You rock!

A breeze “down under” has never felt this GREAT!

Ivar the Naked Jumper

chest strap