Faith in humanity restored… and then lost again

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I didn’t quite know when the funeral was going to be. All I knew was that it’s the first week of August. So I booked my outbound flights for the 2nd August.
Just a few days later they set the date for the funeral and it was on the 1st of August.
Great news. It made my day.
I had no choice and booked a one-way flight to Tallinn (with a connecting flight from Amsterdam). Problem solved.
I also had to visit the Estonian embassy to address my expired passport situation.
I have mixed feelings about the embassy. The guy behind the counter was the first Estonian I’ve seen in months… anywho I had to fill in a form or two and voila I was given a “certificate of return”. Think of it as my emergency passport, looking dodgy as hell. It was valid only for a week. The guy was issuing passports and ID cards to a few people who showed up after me (because it was a quick little thing and my thing took longer…). I expected the man to finish with me before moving on to other people in the queue but no. Welcome to Estonia.

My new flights were with British Airways and Estonian Air. I made my way to London City Airport (super easy to get to). I thought it probably makes sense to talk to the peeps at the British Airways desk because of my dodgy passport and give them the heads up.
The man at the counter didn’t quite know what to do, so he called his boss who called the peeps in Amsterdam and after a few nervous minutes it was all green lights boulevard.

I found the way everybody treated me on British Airways wonderful. They were all bending over backwords to make sure I get to my dad’s funeral. Nobody raised any additional questions when I boarded the planes. Faith in humanity restored.

The funeral was sad. I saw a bunch of relatives I hadn’t seen in many years. They might as well have been complete strangers… I knew nothing about where they lived, what they did for a living or what they studied/planned to study at uni. I’ve lost touch with most of them.

First thing on Monday I needed to get a new passport. It takes up to 2 working days to get it done if you choose the speedy option. My dodgy passport only allowed entry to Estonia but was no good for a return flight.
Anywho, I was impressed by the speed of things. I applied for a new passport around 10 AM on Monday and received an email to collect it the same day at 3:40 PM. Wow! The only downside was that I had already left Tallinn and had to travel back again on Tuesday to pick it up.

During the week I met up with a few friends. It was really good to see my main bros – Siim, Pete and Olav – and my family as well.

Remember, I didn’t take the first leg of my flights I booked originally? I thought I could still use the return flights from that original booking. I was wrong. I discovered this about 24 hours before the flight when I tried to do my online check in.
Since it was a no show, all my flights on the booking were cancelled. I was never notified about this.
The carrier (Lufthansa) said the travel agent (TravelUp) might be able to reinstate the flights. I called them but no such luck. All I could get out of them was a £31 refund which would take 4-6 weeks to be processed. Faith in humanity is now a thing of the past.
I can’t catch a break.

image

It seems like this is standard practice – if you miss the first leg of your booking they cancel all flights.
I was out of options and booked a new flight to Stansted for tomorrow. I’m glad I’m made of money.
This has been an expensive, stressful and crappy week (with a few exceptions). I hate Lufthansa, TravelUp, buses, online check ins, my bank account and flying. I just want to go home.

Ivar

Today is a strong day

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These are the words I read from my mug trying to keep my shit together. “Today is a strong day” I repeat. Why is today so much harder than yesterday when I found out about it?
I log in at work hoping to find a shitstorm in my inbox. However, no such luck. Nothing. Nothing to distract my thoughts.
SteveO says “good morning” and I couldn’t. Not a single word. He made all this so much harder. You could cut the awkward silence/tension with a knife. I was still in shock so I didn’t notice it at the time.
I had another sip of my crappy coffee and noticed that I finished it.
“Today is a strong day” – Mr Strong.

image

.
.
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Except……..that it isn’t.

Lets timetravel to yesterday.
I had a fairly good day and was on my way to London to dance some zouk. My battery was low, so I had my phone on flight mode.
I got to the dancing venue and for some reason turned my phone on normal mode
.. which is odd because the dancing venue/bar is underground and I had no signal there.
However a FB message made its way to my phone. It was from my brother.
He said he’s got some bad news for me. My father died.
A beginners salsa class was ending at that point as I read the message and you could hear the instructors giving pointers and summaries to the kids about what they learned today.
At the same time I completely froze.
And started shaking. Uncontrollably, but not visibly (maybe it was visible, I’m not sure). An inner tremor of sorts.
The music switched to a zouk beat. I was glad it was dark and nobody saw me… or maybe I wasn’t too concerned whether anybody saw me or not.
I pondered about what I should do and remembered something I read a long time ago. When somebody dies, you shouldn’t make any radical changes to your life. Instead, continue your daily routine as you always do.
I felt the waterworks starting.
I made my way to the toilet to take a piss… you ever wonder why the loo is so busy at the worst possible moment?
I remembered that it’s not possible to feel sad if your body is in a happy/positive posture. So I sucked it up. Chest up, head up, shoulders back and it got better. The initial shock was a thing of the past.
That didn’t last long…
I needed to distract myself before the class started and made some conversation with Phoebe. I think that was the wrong call… She asked me how I was and I said fine… she saw right through me and I gave her some crap about having a stressful day at work in response.
It was a painful conversation but it worked. I kept my shit together.
The class started. Zouk is a fairly engaging thing you know. The fact that I can’t multitask also helped. Only a few times did my thoughts wander and remind me of what had happened. I feel bad for saying this but I was able to enjoy myself throughout the evening. Don’t judge, dealing with death isn’t something they teach you at school.
However, I broke down like a little bitch just a few steps from home. It was too much. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The distractions were gone and
I fucking cried myself to sleep.

Next day
Next day I went to work, as usual (remember the thing about not doing anything radical…The stupid is strong in me.) The morning was difficult but as I got more involved with work it got better. Much better. I shared the news with one colleague who might have shared it with a few others.
But I wasn’t quite myself. I was very quiet and generally avoided human contact.

Did I mention that my passport expired in March? Well… that’s a bit of a problem if I want to go to the funeral in Estonia. Anywho… I contacted the embassy who came back to me fairly quickly and told me they could issue me a document which will enable me to travel temporarily. However, first I needed to tell them what my travel dates are. At this point where was no date for the funeral… I would contact them again once I know. I was told the Embassy can issue the document in half an hour and all I needed were two passport photos and a date for my flight out of the UK.

I feel the fucking rainbow. I’m sad, then angry, then oddly OK, then depressed, then even happy. I’m all over the place. And it feels like there’s no end in sight. Work helps, a lot. It keeps me focused on other things.

I wrote the above almost two months ago. The funeral was last Saturday. I’d rather keep the details to myself about why it took so long until the funeral. Sorry. Don’t ask. Things are much better now and I’m glad this is all behind me and that I can finally close this chapter.

Ivar

Genius material

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If you guys remember I had a big exam in April. What I didn’t tell you is that I actually took 4 exams and kept quiet about the other 3. I thought that I wouldn’t get much support from the office if they knew I was studying for 4 exams. I thought that if I failed one or more, I would’ve just kept quiet about it.
However the results are in and I passed every single one – 4 out of 4.
genius
After sitting the exams I was sure I failed two because let’s be honest, I didn’t focus on them nearly as much compared to the other two. Turns out I underestimated myself and managed to pass the advanced taxes (AF1), investments (AF4) and pensions (AF3) exams along with the pension income options exam (J05). I am only two exams away from the advanced diploma in financial planning i.e. chartered status if I had 5 years of working experience in the industry. I’m well on track.
My boss was very pleased and said I’ll be getting some client exposure and will move into advising. It’s about time!!!
Next I’ve got Financial Planning Practice (R06) for July 6th – that’s the one I failed in January this year and another one will be in the middle of October. That’s it. All the studying will be over soon and I can stop spending money on exams and study stuff. Looking forward!

Ivar the Nerdacious

I don’t want him to stop

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I’m a little late to the party but here’s something what happened about a month ago. It’s this guy Scott Calum singing a cover of Robyn’s “Dancing on my own” and it’s beautiful.
It’s a very powerful song and it’s one of those magical songs which I don’t want to stop. Listening to it on repeat is just not good enough, I want the guy to keep going and going.
I love it when someone takes something old and makes it his own masterpiece. If you think about it you don’t need to invent the wheel every time, just look at what somebody’s done and tweak it. Scott Calum is proof of that.
I don’t follow the BGT show myself because I find it hard to watch people fail and have their dreams destroyed. Showbiz is a very cut-throat place to be in.
And the moment Simon presses the big buzzer… I’m all smiles every time I watch the video. Enjoy!

Posted in UK

Level 4

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It’s official. I have completed the Diploma in Financial Planning and can now legally give financial advice. However it’ll take some time until that actually happens as I need to transition into that role. Most people who jump into advising after getting the diploma sink and drown. Nobody knows for sure how the process will look like but I’m sure I’ll get there.
Another bonus was getting a raise which is always a good thing. During my appraisal this Wednesday I found out a few things about how I’ve grown as a person at work. That came as news to me because I don’t think I’m any different from when I first started. I was told that my attitude in the beginning was very different – I just wanted to get the work done and never think of it again but now I’m more concerned about doing things right and making sure our clients are happy. I think to a large extent it’s because I’ve moved from a purely admin role (answering the phone, booking client meetings, scanning stuff etc) to a more technical and interesting paraplanning position.
I’m looking forward to the future, things are starting to look good.
That’s it for now.
Ivar

Posted in UK

Every time

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After my zouk classes and social dancing I feel like the world is a little better or a bit less shitty or even almost good. Maybe this is just me trying to be British – polite and humble and all that.

Going on the tube, you start noticing good things all around you. The singing or guitar music of some weird street artist, a girl giving up her seat for an old woman, people giving money to the homeless beggars. On the inside it feels a lot like running a half marathon and noticing that at the 18th kilometer you’re likely to finish in less than 100 minutes. Somehow running becomes so easy and you effortlessly speedup and it feels good to run. And no, you’re not running at that point, you’re flying, nothing can stop you from clocking that sub 100 half.

I go through the same sensations after my zouk classes, every single time – no running required. You’ll also have the added benefits of good music, beautiful and happy people. Based on my experience, the happiest people I know are zouk dancers. Salsa and bachata people are a close second.

I might be too kind with my words, considering that I’ve been deprived of zouk for the last 2 months because of my exams.

I realized that I didn’t mention in my previous post that my R06 (Financial Planning Practice) exam re-mark came back as a fail which was very disappointing. I’ll take it again in July.

exams done

There’s some good news. I had 3 exams this week (multiple choice questions, much easier than the R06 or AF papers) and managed to pass them all. I figured out there are two paths to getting my diploma and if I understood the completion requirements correctly, it means that I should be a diploma qualified financial planner now. I’m waiting for my Level 4 diploma to pop in in the post. It’ll take up to a month to get it, and there’s also the risk of me misinterpreting the diploma completion requirements. So at this point I don’t have a definitive answer whether I’ve made it or not. Stay tuned.

There are more exams planned (AF exams), to progress towards the Advanced Diploma (which is needed for Chartered Status) but these can only be taken in April and October. I’ll have more free time now and can focus on other things.

Ivar

Back to normal

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I’ve been studying. A lot. I recently had my advanced diploma exam in pensions planning (AF3). I’ve got a feeling I might actually get a pass… but then again, you can never be too sure. I’ll find out in 2 months. Now I’m slowly getting back into my old routine.

my-daily-routine

I started running again and did a half marathon today (1:41:50, slow but I was out of the game for a while). I only planned on running 16km but I underestimated today’s new route. I was too lazy to measure my route in the morning, so I just guesstimated it. That’s how I roll! It was actually about 22.5 km but I walked the last 1.4 km because I didn’t want to get too fit and make all the other runners in the park look bad.
They also had the London marathon today. About 35,000 people I think it was. I hope I get to be one of them next year. I’ll register for the public ballot (the registration opens 4th May and will probably only last a few hours until all slots are signed up for, just like was the case last year), but even then it’s a 1/3 chance of actually getting entry into the race. It’s a very popular race you see. Congratulations to all the runners today! No matter what time you finished in or if you didn’t cross the finish line. I am jealous of you all.
I also started dancing again. Oh boy how I missed it. The last two Latin nights were very entertaining – dancing with Germany was awesome! I also noticed a few people from the lower levels moved up a level or two and now I’ve got several more friendly faces in my class as well. Well done kids! 😛
Work used to be very busy due to the end of the tax year (it ends 5th April) but now it’s alright again. Did I mention that our company was supposed to merge with another one? Maybe I did, but that doesn’t matter because the merger was cancelled. The office is still moving but instead of the town centre we’re moving to the building next door, therefore making my strategic houseshare move closer to the town centre look utterly stupid. If something good pops up I’ll move closer to work, I think. I never stay in one place for too long…
I made history at work. I’ve stayed at the same company for more than a year. My previous record was exactly 1 year. Now it’s a solid 14 months. My promotion to a paraplanner position had lots to do with this. I plan that some time this year I can start advising clients (but I need my diploma first).
The UK has elections this year as well. 7th May is election day and it turns out I can vote as well even though I’m not a UK citizen. So I voted for the Green Party. Sustainability and green energy etc are things I value and the world needs a bit more of that.
Oh… did I mention my passport expired. 😀 I’m stuck in England. This isn’t a bad thing, it forces me to travel and explore the UK. I’ve been here for more than a year and all I know is Chelmsford and London. I haven’t done anything touristy. So this morning (as I procrastinated my studies) I made myself a list of places to visit. It’s still a work in progress and in all honesty it’s a boring list when I compare it to my Australian roadtrips. Hey, maybe if I give it a chance, the UK might prove me wrong. If you’re reading this and want to go roadtrippin’ on this island some time this summer, get in touch. I’m also open to suggestions. Let me know of your highlights if you’ve travelled here.

Ivar

The Theory of Everything

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You know that feeling… the one which tells you that you’ve done something really well. That feeling when you congratulate yourself on a job well done because you know it was a masterpiece. Not the word ‘masterpiece’ which I use as a catchall for everything I create, but a genuine success. That’s how I felt after taking my Financial Planning Practice (R06) exam. This was the last exam I needed for my diploma.
I knew I passed that shit like a pro. The questions were easy, predictable and my preparation was good. I answered all the questions in detail and didn’t have any trouble with 90% of the exam.
However, 6 weeks later I got my results. It was a fail. In
Big.
Fucking.
Uppercase.
Letters.

FAIL

I scored 80 points, but needed 82 to pass. I was surprised. I don’t understand how it’s possible that I only scored 50% of the points.
I googled around to find out what I could do and requested a re-mark. It’s worth doing if it was a narrow fail (failed by 1-3 points) so they might change it to a narrow pass. I paid £82 for that lottery and need to wait for up to 5 weeks to find out if my result will change or not. If it’s still a fail, I’ll re-sit the exam in July. I’ll pass it eventually.

The next day I had plans to go to a salsa party in South-End. Unfortunately my ride was cancelled because they got sick. No car, no party. I didn’t feel like dancing anyway so I was relieved.
I spent some time procrastinating on Facebook, one thing led to another and I made new plans for the night and headed out to the movies to meet up with Blue Eyes and Vamos-A-La-Playa. 😀
There once was a uni student who was very late to his lecture. He quickly wrote down two assignments from the blackboard just before the class ended. Two weeks later he went to the professor and gave him the answers. The professor asked what he was giving him because he never tasked the students with any homework. The professor looked at the solutions and realized that the student had solved two impossible problems – two questions which were perceived to be impossible to solve. That kid’s name was Stephen Hawking.
That’s a story I remembered as I was in the cinema watching the opening credits of The Theory of Everything. I heard the above story about 8 years ago in Nashville, TN. It was some pep-talk about overcoming adversity and doing the impossible. In this case doing something because you were never told it was impossible.
My mind wandered and I thought of the summer of 2007 and all the wonderful people I met in the States.
The movie was really good. I highly recommend it. It was sadiful – sad and beautiful at the same time. The sad part was the way the disease was taking away so much from Mr Hawking’s life, the beauty was what the man accomplished despite his disability. In a way it was empowering. The world needs a bit more of that.
I was in a fairly good mood after the movie. My exam failure seemed like such a first world problem in contrast. Let’s face it, things don’t always go my way. And if they did, life would be so boring.

hawking_quote

J10 and a glimpse of Hollywood

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I was doing a mock exam (J10 – Discretionary investment management) at work during my lunch break. It was a 90 question multiple choice test. And it was piss easy. Half way through it I booked the exam for next week.  I gave myself 9 days to study. The exam was already booked before I asked my manager for her blessing to get the exam day off from work. That’s just how I roll.

Fast forward to exam day, I took the wrong tube line from Liverpool Street station and had some logistic difficulties finding my way to the Whitechapel station. Once at Whitechapel, I sort of knew where I had to go because I did an exam there in December. Somehow, it seems that I got lost and had to ask around to find the place. A bit of panicky running until I blissfully reached the place about 5 minutes before the exam started.

The questions in the exam were very different from my mock exams but I still managed to pass. I was worried though. My preparation for this exam was really bad – I didn’t even open the study book (in fact I didn’t have the correct book to begin with). Oh well… a pass is a pass.

Sitting the exam on a Wednesday was a strategic decision. My zouk classes were later in the day at Leicester Square and I had a good 2-3 hours to kill in between. I went to Leicester Square and watched The Hobbit at Odeon. Being a tight-ass I used my NUS card (student card) and only paid £8.

There was also a big crowd at the square. Turns out it was a movie premier event – red carpet and all. I saw Will Smith and Margot Robbie but wasn’t close enough to get an autograph or anything. This was the closest I’ve ever been to Hollywood.

Will Smith and Margot Robbie

It was a busy day and to top it off, the dancing was really good that night as well. I learned a few cool moves and met some new people.

Oh and before I go, don’t forget to treat your special someone in an extra nice way today!

Happy Valentines,

Ivar

A rosy story

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I was sitting in the corner all alone and not playing with the other kids. Well, not so much playing but dancing but you know what I mean. “Different, but same-same” – as they say in Malaysia.
I was a true outsider or should I say outlier? Suddenly I had an idea to give something new a shot. Here goes nothing…
I’m going to introduce you to a woman in my life. She’s not much older than me but far wiser than she thinks. She tends to lack a filter and is a master at tearing a new one to anyone who insults her. Beware! Don’t poke the bear. She bites.
If I was interrogated by a policeman and asked if I knew someone who was capable of the nastiest and vilest actions against humanity – she’d fit the bill perfectly. She’s perfect like that.
It always seems like someone or something died in the room if she’s not around. She’s the sun that brightens up each and every crevice of a long forsaken Egyptian tomb. We all secretly miss her when she’s sick or far away on holidays.

Kung-Fu-panda
She’s quick with her decisions. Kinda like a panda. A kung-fu panda! She can do cartwheels which will bring tears into your eyes.
Her spontaneity is both a virtue and a curse. It depends on who you ask. You always need to take everything she says or commits to with a grain of salt. We love her anyway.
Sometimes she passes me in her car on my way to work. She usually offers me a lift but I almost always give her the finger. “Up yours, I’m not rushing to work” I say. She knows that but after 10 months and countless hand gestures all meaning “go away”, she persists. A lot like a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before (~Jacob Riis). Eventually she’ll lure me into the deathtrap which her car certainly is. May the Almighty be with me when that day arrives.
One of her greatest gifts is making teas and coffees. It doesn’t happen often but when it does my neighbors neighbor will know about it. Oh boy is that an occasion.

There you go. Xoxo
Ivar the Salacious